Wednesday, March 31, 20044:35 PM - Tony updates his website.I also checked out my server statistics, which I hadn't done in a long time. I get a -lot- more hits than I had expected. Thanks Google, I guess. My costumes section gets a lot more traffic than I had expected. Also, I removed some obsolete things that people were looking for with Google but are not an intended part of my website, just directories for past projects that never came into fruition. So if you're looking for something that's not supposed to be there, don't be surprised if you get my smackdown page. How can I tell if people are linking images from my site? I haven't figured that out yet. I do know that one of those cheesy search engines that pretends to be a real web page for Googling purposes has me on their "Top Sites for Lion Costumes." Yay, I think. Monday, March 29, 20041:42 PM - necromancy and kitchen toolsWhen I came out of the shower, there was steam (actually smoke) filling my apartment and there was a smell of mothballs. The water was boiling vigorously, but the once-green pot had been burnt black on all sides. A black ash-like substance was everywhere... on the clean dishes in the dish rack, in the sink, on the fridge, on the clean dishes in their cupboards, in my bed, and even on the TV on the other side of the apartment. I flung open some windows but couldn't figure out what had happened. I cancelled my pasta salad plans... and when I went to brush my teeth, I spat blood. I couldn't figure out what had happened, but in some part of my brain I vowed to never again read a Dungeons and Dragons "Guide to Necromancers" right before bed. I blame Nessie. Eventually I figured out what happened. One of my corn cob prongs (you know those little prongs that go in the ends of corn cobs, so you can eat then and spin them like a typewriter in old cartoons, and the prongs usually are shaped like little mini ears of corn...) developed sentient intelligence overnight. That prong, realizing that the best April Fools' jokes happen during the -season- of April Fools' Day but not on the day itself, had decided to hide itself underneath my favorite burner. Somehow I hadn't noticed it when I had put the pot on the burner, and so the plastic part of the prong got vaporized while I was in the shower. Little black bits of plastic appeared all over the room as it cooled down, and I'm sure breathing that stuff was what made my throat yucky this morning. I also found the corpse under the burner: two scorched metal prongs. I suspect during its brief period of sentience, the corncob prong must have been studying that necromancy book... I can't find any other explanation for its behavior. Right now it's all pretty damn funny, but I have to clean -everything- in my apartment tonight. The moral of this story is that I've already been hit for April Fools' Day, thank you very much, so please just send flowers or cards. I'd be perfectly happy to skip straight to Halloween season anyway. Sunday, March 28, 200411:33 AM - I like breakfastIt's 11:30 am on Sunday. I'm outside on my rooftop porch, enjoying the last of this morning's pancakes and orange juice, and enjoying some perfect weather. The sun is bright, there are some white, wispy clouds and a gentle breeze. I'm under an overhang that provides just enough shade that I can still see my laptop screen despite the sunlight. Looking out over the Berkeley rooftops (and it astounds me how many houses in Berkeley have solar panels), I can see boats on the Bay and the Golden Gate bridge. My kumquat tree is looking happy and some of the chamomile is shooting up for the sky.... Today is not a day to be indoors. I haven't completely planned what I want to do today yet... maybe go shopping for shoes because they didn't make it into my shopping spree on Friday. I'll probably also make a run to the fabric and craft stores, because it's time for a new project. Well, whatever I do, I'm feeling pretty optimistic about it. I had a three day weekend, and I love the third day, because I always feel relaxed and energized, and usually I've already accomplished the things that I "have to" do by the third day. Monday, March 22, 20046:23 PM - we're from the band limozeen!The rest of Saturday was also very cool and there was definitely some good food and unexpected scenic views. I did have to work on Sunday, which wasn't nearly bad enough to spoil the weekend. I just wish I could do my laundry at work in between contacts with the spacecraft. Friday, March 19, 200411:25 AM - just go read itAnyway, last night our friend Gia brought a picture of his character. I had to share it with all of you: a picture of Gia's Gnome: Azrael2 And yeah, for all you hardcore fantasy types, I didn't think gnomes looked like that either. Thursday, March 18, 20042:21 PM - nerd rant.Currently I'm in "I love her," but it all really depends on what grade she gives me each week. Oh yeah... I'm talking about the woman who teaches my film theory class. We just had a test on Wednesday, which was thankfully easier than I had feared. I hadn't taken a blue book test since 1995. Anyway, this week on my homework she wrote, "Tony, your answers are always a pleasure to read." Which of course made me feel awexome, but then my brain asks, "So why can't you give me A's more often!?!?!?!" (It's so weird... I've had a couple different students in the class say that I look like I have a good handle on the material and ask if I got all A's on these assignments. I'm having fun pointing out that I'm not even a student in the department, I'm just taking the class for fun. Tee hee. Um.) I know I'm just quibbling about the difference between B+'s and A's, but I felt frustratingly unsuccessful my first time through undergrad, so it feels really good to finally prove that I can do something well in an academic setting. I oughta just get over it: undergrad the first time through wasn't that bad at all, I'm just comparing myself to people who, in order to squeeze more learning out of school, are withholding information that would be worth credits which would count toward graduation... And yeah, people who get straight A's. Monday, March 15, 200411:49 AM - funk as a metaphorI think for some people, it's a kind of soul-jazz-r&b music thing. For some people, it's what happens when you don't wash your socks. For me, at least right now, it's this little invisible cloud thing that hovers over my head and zaps the happy things if they come too close to me. I think it started with my hair. I love it, I hate it, I wanted to shave it off. But what I eventually realized is that it's not realy about hair, it's about self-image. I think if I was a straight woman who liked heels and power suits, I'd go to the spa, have a makeover, buy a different-looking power suit and take myself out for fusion Asian cuisine. To be honest, I might do that anyway. But I think what's going on externally is symptomatic of change on the inside. I don't really want to be a kid any more. T-shirts and impossibly spiked hair and video games and skater shoes were fun for a while, but I want to grow up. I used to be really intimidated by the word "man," as though I'd rather live in a fantasy Peter Pan-like state of perpetual pseudo-adolescence. As I start to become entrenched in the second half of my 20's (as if I was almost 30!!! egad), kid-hood is becoming less appealing. Growing up, I felt like I never had any role models. This makes me angry, especially when Samuel Barber, the musician who wrote my high school's alma mater, was part of one of the most beautiful gay love stories of his time, and it feels like this information was deliberately kept from me by "authority figures." I feel like in general, I have no one to look up to and no one to teach me how to be... if not a man, at least an adult. Manhood is scary. In the US, it comes with all of these (homophobic!) expectations and assumptions about hypermasculinity that make me uncomfortable. I think that it's no wonder that many people my age are still playing video games, wearing sneakers, and running around to anime conventions. No one taught us how to be adults. I actually feel like feminists have a leg up in this regard, because fighting against oppression has led many of them to start self-defining. Men, on the other hand, have also inherited a system of values and expectations, but since we're supposed to act tough and never show emotion, etc, we don't even have a vocabulary to discuss what's going on. It's like we're still scared littel boys, trying as best we can to fulfill these expected roles, like we're pilots in giant, hollow man-robots or something. No wonder so many of us are more comfortable geeking out with the Matrix or a video game or a Transformers revival. As much as in the past I thought this would never change, I am finally feeling stirrings of something in myself that wants to grow. I finally want to step into an adult role a bit more. I feel like I want to be more self-determined and deliberate about my life, my work, and my external image. So when I am saying that I want to do something with my hair, what I mean is that I want to be something new, different, more grown-up. Like I want to be in charge of myself, be something meaningful within my community (however we define community these days), and imagine something for myself. And hopefully in the process, I can define for myself an image and a way of being that I am comfortable with, deliberately playing with masculinity and femininity rather than just reacting to "that's not manly enough" or "that's too gay" or "that's not gay enough" or even "dude, that's just not cool." I am still a bit mystified by what's going on inside but I'm excited to see where it goes. And hopefully when I -do- decide to have my makeover, I will be working towards becoming my own creation, rather than a Cosmo Girl. 545 beauty tips for this season, page 97. If you've made it this far, then you deserve a piece of good news! Someone contacted me on the internet and wants to commission a costume. My first one! -yippee!- Monday, March 08, 20047:59 PM - In the absence of a boyfriend, at least I have an inanimate object.It's amazing to me how much I love this computer. I don't mean to sound like an ad, but... this is an inanimate object! But I'm happy to see that the display is once again flawless. Surfing the internet is such a visual treat on this machine. And even better-- I had neither a temper tantrum nor a mental breakdown with the Applecare people this time. I guess this makes them 1 for 2. Tuesday, March 02, 20042:57 PM - mmm. book.I just finished the neatest book: Jachinson Chan's "Chinese American Masculinities from Fu Manchu to Bruce Lee". I had started reading it as part of an academic writing sample project I was doing about Fu Manchu (that paper may eventually end up on this site if I make a writing section), but the book itself is fascinating. It talks about all kinds of things related to gender politics, some of which I've noticed, but I've never seen it written about so extensively in print. I wish the author had a better conclusion-- he seems to identify the situation very well but his efforts towards a solution are frustrated. I'd have sworn he was gay except that he mentions his wife and children. Anyway, it was an important book to read, although it's definitely a thinking book.Oh yeah... he uses the variations of the word reify -way- too much. 12:11 PM - Ready or not, here I come. I'm supposed to vote today.Also, I'm voting today. I feel positively enmired in all of this California-related glop. Do we want to go further into debt to pay off our debt in order to pass a law to prevent ourselves from going into debt, even though in the state Constitution we're not supposed to do that? Give me a gay marriage debate over this any day. On another note, I got a PDF letter back from the president. I like how he took the time to incorporate my name and address into the PDF, but the text of the letter implies that no one even bothered to read what I wrote. Ah, democracy. |
