Thursday, June 30, 2005

3:03 PM - criminy jickets!

mandatory gibberish

For my work I have to carry a pager so that I can be contacted day or night in case of an "emergency." The pager comes with pre-subscribed news and information sorted into channels like "Stocks" or "Sports" and while you can subscribe to more channels, you can never actually turn off the basic ones, no matter how irrelevant they are.

Because the information is designed to fit on a pager, everything has to be very short and concise. News "articles" are barely more than headlines, but the phenomenon has fun implications for the Horoscopes that arrive every day. Unable to turn them off, I've made the Horoscopes my own personal bite-sized oracle which I consult when the need arises.

Today the Pager Horoscope Oracle said: Strive to make your own decisions.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

2:18 PM - (see if you can find the hidden pun about elves)

shall we play a game?

So, I've been having some trouble, and I think I'm going to write about it. I've been spending too much time on my computer and not enough time out in the real world. Last night I got so fed up with it that I shut my computer away in a drawer, turned off my DSL and wireless router, and have convinced myself that there will be no computer or video games until at least Friday evening. It's amazing to hear what my apartment sounds like with just a couple of pieces of equipment turned off. Last night I read some of Critical Path by R. Buckminster Fuller who seems simultaneously brilliant and insane, alternately clueless and visionary. At least it's not boring.

The trouble occurs because I have all these internet lives, between World of Warcraft, Puzzle Pirates, and internet chatting... And I think these things suck the will to thrive right out of me. I want to live vibrantly, but instead I hide in video games. I don't even enjoy Warcraft or Puzzle Pirates any more, but I still play them. (Although I do enjoy designing Pirate islands, and in fact my first island was conquered over the weekend. Oh the thrills!) I also don't want to socialize on the internet any more; this past week for Pride I found myself wishing I had a posse. I have no gay posse, and the last time I was conscripted into someone else's... well... I don't see how watching people binge drink and then shamelessly throw themselves at anything that moves is any more healthy than playing Warcraft or chatting for hours on end.

I went to a queer bonfire party on Ocean Beach this Friday before Pride. I took about 15 minutes to stand alone in front of the water, feeling myself drawn into each gathering wave before its crash and foamy surge chased me incrementally back towards the growing crowd at the bonfire. And once I did get up the nerve to actually hang out, I was like a specter in the darkness, lurking by the fire and just watching. I never found the courage to even speak to anyone. And these people at least seemed friendly and interesting, and the vapid club kid argument from the previous paragraph simply does not apply.

The whole episode was so disheartening that I didn't leave my house for the rest of the weekend, except to go to work during the SF Pride parade, which I had to do because my co-worker is out of town. Again.

Normally I can be quite outgoing when I put some effort into it. Sometimes people ask why I am still single, sometimes even throwing in a comment about me having a nice face, or being smart or creative or nice or whatever. Well... this is what it looks like. And even when I want to do something differently in my life, I can often convince myself that hiding behind one of a string of fantasy elvish alter-egos is more appealing than (excuse the corny metaphor) leveling up in real life. I spend an obscene number of hours at home in bed on a laptop.

In any case, no at-home computer until at least Friday. I'm developing one of my high school-style, worship-from-afar crushes on someone from the gym, and I am hoping at least this week to smile and make eye contact rather than turn away and pretend to be focusing somewhere else, which is my usual strategy for staying perpetually single. I am genuinely terrible at talking with people who are even the least bit interesting to me, so if anyone has any advice about how to be more normal and less of an antisocial coward, I'm all ears. In the meantime, at least I am an antisocial coward with fun magical elf powers and swashbuckling puzzle pirate skills.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

1:40 PM - you look like a monkey...

birthdays without boundaries

Mmmm. I had the most fantastic birthday. Before I delve into the juicy details, though, I want to throw out a link Zach's blog, from a 16 year old guy in Tennessee who came out to his parents and has now been sent to a Christian organization for deprogramming. Stay strong, Zach. Hang in there.

On Thursday Fenny and I luxuriated at the Tea Garden Springs spa in Mill Valley. I'd never been to a spa, so the whole experience was new. In the morning, we wandered around Mill Valley (one of the most affluent spots in the country, apparently) and did a short hike around a waterfall. We explored the town and hand hand-made pasta and organic vegetables for lunch. (Incidentally, the hostess at this slightly upscale Italian restaurant had her own hot-pink mall trash chic going on... it was strangely out of place with the rest of the town). The spa itself had an indoor garden area with fountains and streams coming out of the floor. We enjoyed hot tea and then had aromatherapy baths... I love bathing, but this was even more fulfilling than usual. The bath was hot and I soaked in eucalyptus and lavender, with candles, dim lighting, and flower petals to keep me company. It was raining in the minature balcony garden outside the window, where there was a little stone buddha. Silvery-grey light came in through that window and reflected in ripples from the bath water. I sunk low enough into the water that I could see coils of steam rising from the bathwater and from my skin...

We also had nice massages for one long, luxurious hour, and then we finished with facials. I've never had one before, and I don't think I have much in the way of skin damage, but it was really nice to be pampered. I am quite happy.

The spa set the tone for the entire extended birthday weekend... I went to former-roomie Brian's going-away party, with tons of yummy food and good people. I relaxed and did some chores, spent a day with Cyclona in San Francisco, basking in Dolores Park, running a couple of errands which resulted in faboo new glasses for me, and finishing up with the House of Flying Daggers (not recommended, but at least I got to practice listening in Mandarin). On my actual birthday, I spent most of the day waiting for a package (UPS tracking now states: THE PACKAGE WAS MISSED, NO ATTEMPT WAS MADE TO DELIVER AS SCHEDULED), but I did slip out for pumpkin pancakes and journal time at my favorite breakfast spot in Berkeley. I also got to spend some time reading at the Berkeley Marina; the sun and salty breezes are invigorating.

After it was clear that Karen's package wasn't going to arrive, I got some groceries and finished the day with the Neverending Story, which I'd been saving for a special occassion. I also have supplies to bake myself a dark chocolate hazelnut birthday cake, and it's going to be the birthday that never ends because I'm still formulating plans with 2 or 3 different groups of people who have been out of town or busy.

28 is my favorite number-- and I don't mind having a birthday that extends beyond its actual 24 hour confines. I'm a Solstice Baby. I'm feeling blissful, which isn't bad considering I'm at work. I had a minor epiphany at the spa that I'm ready to grow up and be more of an adult. I feel like I'm ready to be 30. Which is perfectly fine and empowering; in the meantime I have two bonus years to do whatever I want! Hooray for maturity!

Monday, June 13, 2005

2:32 PM - I'll take communication for $200, Alex!

quotable quotes

Headline for Monday, June 13: Michael Jackson found not guilty on all counts.

Headline for Tuesday, June 14: Roman Catholic Church officially invites Michael Jackson to join the priesthood.

I've never been to Neverland Ranch so I can't really say for certain what was going on. It's certainly not my authority. But I would like to quote a couple of choice lyrics to this Michael Jackson song that Cyclona found:

When someone in the dark reaches out to you
And touches off a spark that comes shining through
It tells you never be afraid....

Note: for the next story, things in quotes are actually in paraphrase. I wish I had the real chat log. But I don't. Nyah.

In other "this is not news", I was playing World of Warcraft when one frustrated dwarf wrote in the public channel, "All the Horde are gay!" Ever the activist, I wrote back, "Please don't use 'gay' as a synonym for 'bad' in my presence, or prepare to face my wrath." This led to about 1 hour of private conversation with the offending party, which was really interesting because with this huge rift in this country regarding gay rights, I don't often get the chance to discuss things with the "other side" in a civilized way. He was from Texas, and his gay friends are ok with it, so what's the big deal? I was obviously the one with the problem. I'm proud because I got him from that perspective to something like, "I support marriage rights for gay people and I don't think the government should treat you differently." I think the key moment, after going through the "sinners" argument and the "marrying my dog" argument and the "why do homosexuals want to use the Bible to get married, isn't a civil union ok?" bit, was when he said, "You make everything I say sound so bad and discriminatory." And I replied, "I'm just letting you know how it feels when we hear these things, because I know you don't realize that this is how it sounds on the receiving end."

I guess my point is that almost no one thinks of themselves as being hateful or mean or oppressive. I think that one-on-one dialogues will, in the end, do more to create peace and understanding in this country than a lot of the labelling and nasty, dismissive name-calling that seems to happen on both "sides". We're all human. (Unless you're in the Horde.)

My birthday is coming soon. I'll be 28, which is my favorite number... I want it to be a year to remember.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

12:55 AM - this is my attempt at snarkiness

this is my witty title

I'm trying a new format for my blog, one that makes 2 titles out of 1 "title" field that Blogger gives me. When I cross-post to LiveJournal, I have 1 main title and then some text which is the link to the actual blog post. I realized I'd been denying non-LiveJournalers the chance to read some of my most brilliantly funny material, so I'm trying to work out a way to bring all those titles and comments over to here. Please note: my mini-titles may vary on the snarkiness thermometer. Sometimes it's all I can do to keep the LJ updated at all!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

11:54 PM - I needs me a half-elven prince

rain, rain, go away

It's a rainy summer and I'm having a case of ennui. My guild in World of Warcraft is collapsing (and in fact the whole game loses a lot of its appeal once you reach the highest level), I almost quit Puzzle Pirates due to the machinations of one egotistical griefer (who was banned from the game just before I announced that I was leaving; thank goodness I waited 2 days after writing the announcement to post it!), and I'm finding myself reading those Harry Potter fan websites and building some enthusiasm about Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

How old am I again? 2 video games and a children's book. And I don't even really like Harry Potter.

I stayed home sick from work today to find out that everyone in my work group was feeling sick. I'm morbidly curious what might happen if we all caught mono at the same time. It certainly wouldn't be from kissing each other.

Good news from UPS.com: I may receiving a delivery of anime tomorrow. Hooray!

I just had hot tea with honey so I think I'll try to slip into bedtime. Wish me luck!

Thursday, June 02, 2005

9:31 PM - in which some unsuspecting woman barely escapes the brunt of my wrath

active participation in the process

Today, a bill in the California State Assembly that would have created same-sex marriages for California was defeated by 4 votes. I read a news story this morning that it was floundering, and I was really angry. The story mentioned that one local Assemblyperson, Alberto Torrico, had abstained from voting. For the purposes of procedure, an abstention is functionally a vote against the bill. In my mind as I got ready for work this morning, I unleashed volley after volley of my own personal vitriol at this abstainer who I had never met (and who technically doesn't represent me-- he represents Fremont).

Deciding that this really is supposed to be a participatory government, I picked up the phone and dialed Torrico's Sacramento office. I was much more polite to the woman on the phone than I was in my earlier drafts; in fact, I was downright sweet. I simply pointed out that I noticed that the Assemblymember was abstaining on the bill and hoped that he would change his mind. The lady said, "Thank you," and that was the end of the conversation, and I was left a bit frustrated. I even decided that the only way to have truly equal government was to elect me as supreme dictator so I can create the world that's best for everyone.... (yes it was a joke)

Anyway, I just checked the final voting record, and Alberto Torrico did in fact switch from an abstention to a vote in favor of the same-sex marriage bill. It would be naive to think that my own phone call changed the Assemblymember's mind, but I don't mind having a naive delusion now and again.