Dear Mr. Carroll,

I am writing in response to your recent column in which you argue that the fight for the legalization of same-sex marriage is not worth the energy that it has been getting. Frankly, I am disappointed to see you urging queer people to accept a status quo in which we are treated as inferior citizens both by our government and by our neighbors.

Although both you and anti-gay politicians argue that the focal point of marriage is to raise children, the intent to raise children is not a legal requirement for a marriage license. Opposite-sex couples do not have to declare their intent to give birth to or adopt children before the state gives consent to marriage, nor are couples that are biologically incapable of having children denied the right to marry. The law does not dictate that a couple must divorce if their child dies. In all facets of the law, the rights and privileges associated with parenthood and guardianship are distinct from the rights and privileges. The legal right to marry for love is unquestionably given to every heterosexual person over the age of consent, but is categorically denied to queer people. Once I remove an obligation to have children from the rationale for marriage, I wonder what other inherent inequalities between the sexes could justify the opposite-sex requirement. Does every marriage need a man's higher earning potential while the woman stays home to cook and clean? Does every woman need a stable man to counterbalance her over-emotional nature, or is he there simply to help with the occasional stubborn pickle jar?

You also argue that symbolic reasons are less important than tangible causes. Although I was born only a decade after the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr., I was born into a changed world. Growing up in a rural, mostly monoethnic community, I still knew that racism was wrong. To me, seeing pictures of separate drinking fountains or segregated seating on buses seemed like an entirely different world than the one I was from. Although I would not argue that racism in our community has been eliminated, my worldview and experience of racial identity is completely different than previous generations because of a civil rights movement that challenged hateful behaviors which at the time were considered merely symbols.

By contrast, I grew up in a world with no role models. People deliberately and actively avoided any positive mention of queerness. I knew that the famous composer Samuel Barber had gone to my high school and written our alma matter, but it was almost ten years after graduation that I discovered his courage in being open about his 30-year same-sex relationship with another composer. Homosexuality was intentionally written out of history books, censored from the media, and, if it was mentioned at all, was treated as a filthy behavior with lethal consequences. Either the diseases would kill me or other people would. I grew up terrified and alone.

The pattern of Christian oppression against the expression of homosexuality extends 1700 years back into history, and it continues today. Although being crucified on a fence or bludgeoned with a frying pan are comparatively rare occurrences when compared to the mass burnings of the Inquisition, queer people today face overt hatred that is reiterated in our government and encouraged by some religious leaders. Most of the suffering that we experience should be prevented by important constitutional clauses like "due process," or "separation of church and state," or "separate but equal is inherently unequal," or even "We hold these truths to be self-evident...", but the reality is that work still needs to happen. The legalization of same-sex marriage is the tipping point at which our relationships become legally recognized and valued by society, and that is why it is the moment that will lead to the end of the discrimination that we experience on a daily basis. The world will not be perfect, but maybe the next generation of children who grow up queer and confused will live in a world that is closer to perfect than the one before us today.

You have argued that now is not the right time, and that maybe queer people should be more complacent and learn to tolerate oppression. I believe that tolerating oppression, suffering in silence, and hoping that someday things might be different is not an option. It is irresponsible of you to try to hush those who raise their voices in a call for much-needed change.

Sincerely,
Tony Neal